Thursday, June 10, 2010

To Meet a Mocking Bong


Statutory warning: The entire story is a figment of my imagination. The story is about a retarded asshole who was once bitten in the posterior by an orangutan, now living the life of a circus clown churning out all his grotesque and bizarre acts to impress the audience. A clown is never meant to be taken seriously, particularly so, if his orangutan gene did not change so much to be called a homo sapience. Having said that, never miss any opportunity to clap the Orangutan in the zoo, particularly when it dances boom-boom-boom with full enthusiasm, makes a face thinking it looks like Marlon Brando, sticks out its tongue or growls.  

Any resemblance of the abovementioned retard to any monkey-junkie-chimpanzee or any blogger, living or shitting or farting, is purely coincidental.

 A few days back when I was travelling on the internet I met a fellow bong with whom I had some conversation that went somewhat like below …. The bong whose penname is GB granted this exclusive interview to me. I sold that interview to an unknown magazine to earn an unknown amount of money..
Q: Hello, Mr. GB, nice to meet you, Sir. How are you doing today?
GB:  What kind of a question is this?  Why are you ‘trolling’, whatever the word `trolling’ means? Why do you want to know what I’m doing today? Why today and not tomorrow? What is your intention? You told me that you would ask me some ‘relevant’ questions. Such questions are not permitted. I will ban you then.
(I felt scared to the bone marrow when GB threatened me with banning. Last time I was banned when I was trying to gatecrash a party at the White House. I can live without having a conversation with the president of the US, but how could I live with the ignominy of a ban imposed on me by one great bong. So I tried to cool him down…)
Q: Mr. GB, sorry about the question. I should not have done that. But, what happened to you? What is your problem, man? It’s a simple exchange of greetings between two people meeting for the first time.
GB: I do not think so. Who knows, maybe, your intention is to slow down the web-traffic to my blog. Anyways, if you cannot figure out my problems from my writings then you miss out all the nuances of my creations.
Q: Mr. GB, please explain a little bit of the `nuances of your creations’ that your readers are unable to grasp.
GB: This is a good question. For example, when I write so much about Mithun-dada, so obsessively, try to admire him from so many different angles, did it ever strike to anyone that my admiration of that tall, dark, muscular man is no longer limited to my weblogspace within a number of words, it goes far far beyond.
(I can see grin on his face as he got the opportunity to ramble on his favorite topic “Mithun-dada”…In fact now he is an emotional man for the first time like a human not an orangutan.)
GB continues: You know my emotion is elevated to a sublime level… to the level of *my desiring Mithun-dada with all my passion very aggressively*, *my desire to be close with him*, *to feel him*, you know ..to `lust’ him? In fact, LUST is still an under-expression of the passion I feel about Mithun-dada. Everything he does causes a testosterone burst in my blood streams. It is not easy to write so passionately about Mithun-dada’s C-grade Hindi movies, if your heart is not on him, if your testosterone is not high at his sight.  He is “my man”. I feel sad when people misunderstand me and think that all my Mithun-dada writings are fun stuff.
Q: GB, it is indeed sad, my sympathies are with you. Now tell me, why are you so paranoid about the possibility of decline of your web-traffic? Your paranoia has gone to such an extent that it seems you have become a psychopath. Take it easy, man.
(GB retorted angrily at the question. Back again from human to primitive species.)
GB: Please, please, stop. Be serious. Please be serious. I don’t like people make fun out of potato chips, neighbor’s wife and my web-traffic. You know what. One day I was so upset, so upset because of low internet traffic on my weblog that I went to office without putting my under-pants on.  People thought I forgot to wear it. Hehe. But actually it was a self-punishment, exactly like what Jesus did; he took others’ sins on to himself and suffered for others’ misdeeds. Next time if the web-traffic goes down I shall take more serious measures. You know what I mean by “more serious measures”…
Q:  God help your office-mates, GB. OK, let’s get to the point. Let me ask you some “relevant” questions now. Why do you write blog? And that too way more vigorously and frequently than other bloggers. Why so?
GB:  See, India is a country where Rakhi Sawant sells, where Baba Ramved gets PhDs for supplying quack remedies for illnesses; Mayawati hoards hundreds of crores of money despite being a leader of the poorest of the poor, then why not me finding large readership even if I know very well that what I write is way more crap than my own shit by any standards.  At least I can write in English, unlike them. Ain’t I?
Q: Mr. GB, fair enough. But why do you sometimes engage in character-vilification of famous people in the name of humor and that too in a very explicit, raw and undignified way?  It seems that this is your *only* selling point which distinguishes you from other dignified bloggers. Is it not like online-whoring?
GB:  Do you think I myself have any character of any sort that you expect me to give character certificates to others. Dignity, my foot.  You know my own ass is as miserable as the condition of Gaza strip nowadays. Potholes, smelly everywhere, signs of missile attacks all around and whatnot. To put it metaphorically, my character is like rolls of soiled toilet papers scattered all around my home.
(I was really amazed by GB’s sense of metaphor as he stopped for a while to take a breath. And then he continues….)
GB continues: My only inspiration in life is my blogspace. My blogspace is my house, as I said that many times before. But for my readership, it is a public lavatory. And I’m proud to be the owner of that lavatory. You come, throw filth, mud-wrestle and then go away entertained. I’m happy. Is not it a huge contribution to the society? Nobody says nothing about that. Now you got the point? Nobody cares about my character; in the same way, I do not care about others’ characters. 
(GB is now about to reveal a dark secret of his life. Brace yourself, it is a headline.)
GB murmurs: When I was young I was sodomized by one of my teachers in the school-toilet because I wrote a love letter to his 11 year old son.  The wound of that sodomy is still sore in my “anal orifice”.  That event of yore left an indelible impression on my young mind and yes, on my ass also; it was in fact the turning point of my life. I was a man reborn. All my anger, frustration, agony expressed in my blog can be traced back to that rainy afternoon when `than thing’ happened… (GB winces in pain as he revisits the scene.)
Q:  GB, it is really interesting to know that a new man could be born after sodomy too; this phenomenon is a bit contrary to medical sciences.  However, many thanks for the interview. I really appreciate. Before we depart, will you please oblige your readers by revealing what GB stands for?  

GB: When I used to argue in my school days with my friends using all my nonsensical ideas  that I dreamed up during my “nighttime discharges” and “bathroom flushes”, they used to call me *GamBart*  for my obstinacy and silliness. GB came from that word.  As a matter of fact, when I grew up I could not give up the old habits. You know old habits die hard. My pseudonym GB is a tribute to my school friends.
(GB left. And left with a good promise of another more telling interview sometime later. OMG. I spent whole two hours recording this exquisite piece of literary work. Who says I do not care about weblog traffic too;);))


36 comments:

Web said...

You bitch!!!

greatbongDebunker said...

Mimi............. namaste maam. salaam... very true....keep up ...hullor

shaharaIndia said...

katha hobe naa

Anonymous said...

Mimi who are ya? It seems you are man now in a personal fight with greatbong.

Sujan said...

kiyun hath dhoke pichhe por gaya yaar.

Anonymous said...

U returned to gb in the same token he once long wrote abt parnav...

abhimanyu said...

I have never seen hatred in such intensity as this. Woman power. However, I can recognize a script for good stand-up comedy. Like New faces by Dan Antopolski. Well written. Why don't you use your talents in something very constructive. I could not understand what Gambert means but I take that it has some bong connection. Howevr, welcome to the blogsphere. I hope the greatbong also takes it lightly in a spirit he writes about his posts.

abhimanyu said...

When is the 2nd episode coming???

what do I care abouit name said...

maa mimi... eki ruup tomar? eto puro khyanta pisi..... cholte thakuk.. dekhi UNI ki reply den... ONAKE janano hoechhe ki?

director_looking_Savita_vabi said...

mimi. interested in the role?

JhinderBandi said...

jhinderBandi says:

Boss Gambart ta fatafati:

comcast-att said...

Mimii, this is a rare piece of literary genius. Back humor. But you should not have used slangs. I watched the full episode on GB's weblog Goopy bagha and Flotilla of your posts. This is `durdanto'. keep up.

comcast-att said...

i mean black-humor

Anonymous said...

monkey-junkie-chimpanzee ... In fact GB resembles that ...true....

ami-bhalo-apni-kemon said...

mimi, i laughed all day yesterday as i was remembering your post. my wife too.

comcast-att said...

mimi, did you read GB's book may i hebb..'. your review is awaited.

Mimi Sen said...

@Web: I know who you are. I also know what a mother-fucker you are. I warned you, any abuse will be returned in same measure.

@others: Thanks for the compliments. However, I shall not waste time on that retard. You will always know what type of an moron he is.

@comcast: Use that book instead of toilet paper.

Krishanu said...

Whoa! Such vitriol ...just curious ...why such antipathy?

Mimi Sen said...

@Krishanu: It is tragic if you, being a reader of that junk, still did not do what I did it here.

Anonymous said...

Haaui kohilo mor ki sahos bhai
Tarokar mukhe aami diye asi chhai.
Kobi kahe taar gaaye lage na to kichhu
Se chhai firiya aase tori pichhu pichhu.
~Rabindranath Tagore.

Seems people like you have existed in all ages.

Now, as Scott Adams would put it, "Dance, monkey, dance!"

Anonymous said...

wow!! such vitriol... you don't you go & get f**ked by your father, you asshole?? saala khanki maagi

Mimi Sen said...

@anonymous alias the fictitious mocking bong: How are you doing, Saar? How is your father doing, an "intellectual legend", haha? Your father's intellectuality can be imagined by yours. I hope we can agree on that.

Mimi Sen said...

"wow!! such vitriol... you don't you go & get f**ked by your father, you asshole?? saala khanki maagi"

Wouldn't the above Tagore poem aptly apply to me that I did not yet still delete such intensely sexist and malicious abuses against me?

If you guys think that I'm like a typical Bong woman who will hide her face in shame in face of such obscene "khistis" typically considered to be the men's prerogative, you are going to get lessons of lifetime then.

Anonymous said...

Just a clarification: The Anonymous posting the poem above, and the one calling you an anal orifice are separate people. I am the former, and I am not your mocking bong. I won't try to prove that to you, but that's an honest statement that I make. I could have given my name here, but then... I don't like banning people for misconduct from my blog either.

Mimi Sen said...

@anonymous alias the asslicker of the fictitious bong: I know you are very honest. So need not bother to clarify. Now its time you lift your ass so that the fictitious bong can give a head to that.

Anonymous said...

"lessons of lifetime" ...my foot!! saali typical Bangali aantel 2 line english likhe JNU maarka buli aaorachhe.. eder kachhe desher kono icon kichhu naa, desher sob mahapurus baaje, sob kichhu baaje, nohaan shudhu Mao, Marx, Engels , Che GU(evara) eraai bhogobaan, aar idol hoche Islamic terrorists ra.,.. saala Arab Party...

Anonymous said...

I agree to the above commenter. It was my mistake to try and engage in a decent conversation. Sorry - I should have realized you are educationally, culturally and ethically challenged. Side e dekhlam "single mom" lekha... ta meyer baaper naam ta jana achhe, naki setao thik kheyal nei?

BTW, I know you won't hide your face in shame by such "khistis" - for one, you don't have shame, and secondly because a dog doesn't feel insulted on being called son of a bitch.

Anonymous said...

chhele ba meye jar e "single mom" hoye thakuk naa kano, baaper naam obviously jana nei... noile aar khanki maagi hobe kano...

Mimi Sen said...

@Greatbong: Is the father-the-intellectual, you so often invoke in your blog, your own? Ask your mother if she has any time to listen to you after attending to her clients.

Anonymous said...

Mimi - I pity your IQ. Do you seriously think Greatbong has the time to visit your blog, let alone comment here? Really? You seem to be the Bengali version of a blonde! I never thought you could manage to look dumber than you are, but you are achieving that by calling me Greatbong.

Yesterday you were asking if the Tagore poem applies to you too - the answer is no it doesn't. That is because you cannot be called a "taroka" by any standards. A "TaRoka" maybe, the one spelt with "daw-e shunyo Raw," but not the one that means star. If you disagree then be satisfied being a haaui.

And why bring other people's fathers into the debate just because you cannot remember the identity of your daughter's?

Anonymous said...

e to besh bhalo mojaa... Anonymous commentator der saathe khisti kheur kore ki porimaan time waste e naa korte paare amader ei "single mom".... byaabsaa te ki taan porechhe? naaki enuf client aaschhe naa?

Mimi said...

Dear Mr. Fucking Bong,

If you have the balls or if you were born from one single legitimate father, come with your real face, not under the guard of anonymity. Otherwise be prepared for another more damaging post on you. As you see, I'm already feeding off your blog traffic. Please do not fuck your own butt in desperation.

Anonymous said...

ha ha ha ha ha.... ke post korchhe aar saala rendi maagi kaake gaal paarchhe...Class 2 er bachha jano.... fot saala... despo! :D

Anonymous said...

one thing is damn sure....this gal has hots for GB...n may be he refused her big way which she finds difficult to digest as he has nothing to loose but she has a daughter to feed.......so in total Shurpanakha style from Ramayana she is pounding on Rama(GB).....we need some Laxman to cut her nose n teach her a lesson......

Anonymous said...

Great analogy :-) She also stalks GB on Twitter. There's also a Ravana brother who works in Switzerland instead of Lanka. But trust me, it is totally not worth getting one's hands dirty cutting off her nose.

Anonymous said...

said the majority pay back their particular lending options in timely manner as well as not having fees and penalties
A leading financial debt nonprofit can possibly expect how many folks switching to individuals intended for aid above cash advance loan bad debts in order to two-fold the. unsecured debt charitable states all around buy that temporarily, huge benefit financial products at the moment. Your nonprofit tells several years past the amount of people with them is small.
pożyczka od udziałowca a pcc
szybkapozyczkaonline.com.pl
kredyty bez bik
pożyczki prywatne
kredyty bankowe bez zaświadczeń

http://kredytybezbik24.net.pl
http://kredytybezbik24.net.pl
http://szybkapozyczka24.info.pl